Sugar….

I don’t think people realize how addictive sugar is. Sugar is my drug of choice. It’s my alcohol. It’s easy to consume, it’s all over the place, you don’t realize just how much you are taking in because it’s delicious and deceptive.

I’ve quit carbs and sugar a few times, and it’s hard AF. Today I’ve been clean for 5 days now and it’s literally eating at me to give up. I’ve had almost zero carbs, fasted, and been disciplined.

It’s so easy to eat like shit! To wallow in your pain and suffering. To use them as Bullshit excuses to justify your own lies. Excuses are nothing but lies. Excuses are what we use when don’t want something bad enough to make it happen. Yes!! I raise 3 kids all alone and I work too much. My life is fucking hard!

I’ve used that as an excuse to gain 40 pounds since April of 2021. I worked hard during Covid to be healthy, be better. Changed my life. I went from being proud of how I looked, confident. To lethargic, sad, hating my self, I won’t even look in the mirror and embarrassed of taking photos because I’m too ashamed.

I have Brain damage, I’ve had 4 strokes, I have severe asthma, I have a heart condition, it’s hard for me to sleep, Im busy, I’m tired. So what, Who GAF! Do the work!

The doctor said (more than once) I am pre diabetic. Most people don’t realize that they are too. My fasted glucose was like 115. 126 or more is diabetic. Pre diabetes is when your body is resistant to insulin (can’t use insulin as it should), but blood sugar levels aren’t high enough for a Type 2 diabetes diagnosis.

So, to fight this I’ve been intermittent fasting (The 16/8 method: Only eating between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m.) drinking lots of water, and cutting my carbs and sugar intake to virtually zero. Ive done a shit job in watching my diet, I’ve just done whatever I wanted for the last few years. Metaphorically patting myself on the back I guess. Those days are over.

I attend my martial arts classes 3 days a week, but it’s not enough to just go and still eat like shit. You can’t outwork a bad diet!

I don’t want to be that person I’m too ashamed to look at in the mirror anymore. Change starts in the mind, it’s the mindset that has to change first.