Alex’s story 2023 #helpforAlex part 8 guilty as charged.

Every Thursday night the hospital that Alex attends his PHO program hosts a parents counseling group. We talk about different topics and how they are affecting us. The main things I seem to be struggling with is balancing myself as parent to 3 kids and not just one. Faith (16) and I have been attending concerts for the last few months together and it has become our “thing.” I had bought some tickets to see 3 doors down tomorrow night quite awhile back before all of this was going on and Faith and I were planning on going together.

However, with everything going on and Alex still being in therapy I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him for an entire night. So, one of the topics I discussed tonight was the guilt I felt about not taking her to the concert. I know she has been looking forward to it and so was I. I feel guilty because I feel like I’m letting her down and I don’t like letting any of my kids down. But, if I were to go I would feel guilty about leaving Alex at home. I gifted the tickets to one of my employees who has been doing a great job stepping up and helping when I was absent. Which, I actually feel guilty about as well.

I personally feel like I’m just letting everyone around me down from my kids, to my bosses, my employees, my martial arts instructors, and even to my damn dogs! It’s this guilt of trying to be everywhere all the time and everything to everyone around me.

The good news is Alex is doing good, he’s taking therapy serious, he’s identifying his triggers, and the combination of medication, sleep schedule, less phone time, no social media, and therapy is showing real improvement. That’s the important part. I think part of the journey as a parent is that we push everything else to the side in efforts that we are there for our kids and the people around us. That makes me guilty as charged!