Life in a box... definitions.

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I allow all of my fears, doubts, struggles, and insecurities to get into my head. My self reflection at times convinces me that who I am was dictated by what has happened to me, or what others thought of me, that I am worthless, I am nothing.

It torments me all the time. So much so that I shut everyone out and have a complete meltdown.

In a way though, it can be an amazing thing, I am able to realize things have been traumatic and they did happen. But, they don’t define who I am. That I define who I am.

I look deep inside and I am reminded to look at myself and who I really am. How my self worth is not defined by others but by my actions and who I am as a Man.

I am reminded that after all I’ve been though in 37 years that I am a loving and dedicated father to my girls. That I am pouring my life into them, and I am lucky to be able to love them everyday. That they will never go one day not knowing how loved they are. That I’m an extremely hard working, disciplined provider who saves for their future and makes sure they are well taken care of.

That I should never apologize for being there for them even if means I’m sacrificing everything else. That I am living an example of a life that a real man should live. That I love others for who they are and give to them whole heartedly no matter what I get in return. That it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to not like sports, it’s ok not to drink alcohol. It’s ok to fold laundry on Saturday night because it’s badass and IDGAF what anyone thinks about it.

That I’m romantic. I’m sappy, I write love poems, and love notes. That I like to dance in the kitchen and listen to Otis Redding. That I’m a good cook, a damn good kisser, and the ladies like those things.

That just because these things about me were not accepted for a long period of my life that I should change them for anyone.

That I bring a lot of love, and a lot of hard work to the table. That anyone would be lucky to have me. I should never beg anyone to love me because I am lovable and I should be treated with the same kind of love I pour out to people.

That I’ve always been lovable and it was not my fault that I was not loved. It reminded me that I am worth so much more than I give myself credit for.

Sometimes I have to be reminded that I’ve been through a lot of terrible things but I’m giving my kids the life they deserve, I gave up everything for them. That I am NOT defined by my brokenness, but rather who I am because of it. These things make me stronger because I know I can walk through flames and still be the man I am today. That not many people can say that.

That although I didn’t always get treated well in my life I stood tall with dignity and loved everyone the way they deserved to be loved no matter how they treated me.

That I’m going to leave behind a legacy of love and thoughtfulness to those in my life and it will impact them in some way. That when I die they won’t be able to say I wasn’t a good dad, or a good man. I was a good husband and I was a good leader.

You are not defined by what people think, say, or how they treat you.