Life in a box... fear

What do you fear? Is it failure? Is it pain? What about change?

I’ve never been scared to fail, I know I have the tenacity to give everything I do in my life my all. To change and work hard to learn from previous mistakes. I do fear pain though, I fear the feeling that comes with the pain and I’m not good with my feelings. I never understood why people would intentionally harm others for their own gain. When you know what your doing to someone or going to do to someone, why would you continue to do it? I’ve hurt people and I’ve asked myself that same question. Why am I doing this? I guess if you know ahead of time what hurts or how you get hurt then you can avoid it.

Change is difficult, you get into a routine and then things happen that make you do things differently. But, is the change a good thing? If it worth the result? Like I hate working out but I love it at the same time. The end goal is worth the hard work.

Does fear come from lack of trust? Probably, I mean who hasn’t had their trust broken? I can’t think of a more hurtful scenario than getting your trust broken by someone. In fact it’s so painful that I could almost venture to say I’d rather never trust again. But, do I really want to think like that forever? Is the long term pain worth the short term fear?

Fear sucks, it can rule you or it can free you. You can embrace the fear and jump and it could be the best thing that’s ever happened. You can look back and say yeah I’m glad I did that.

Fear keeps me from sleeping most nights, I lay in my bed about to fall asleep and all the sudden my thoughts fill my mind. I’ll second guess things and think about what if’s till I’ve worked myself into a mess. So I toss and turn and flip around until I’m wide awake. The fear of things in my life drive me insane and I think all the ways it could go right or wrong. Before I know it’s hours later and I’m beat and so then I’ll try to think about how to stop thinking. I go around in circles and circles about these things and most nights I just wish it would stop.