Life in a box... pathways

What is your path? I’ve struggled for the longest time to figure myself out. Don’t get me wrong I don’t struggle with who I am, or who I want to be. I don’t struggle with confidence, although I have a few insecurities. But, I’ve always struggled with trying to get people to understand who I am.

For awhile during and after my divorce days I juggled with the Alpha Male concept. I knew I wasn’t a Beta, but for some reason I didn’t resonate with the Alpha either. When it comes to leaders in packs of tribes there’s the ones who are great at leading, but thrive off that ego side of being the Alpha. That was never me. I’m a leader when I need to be, but I’m a quiet leader. I’m not a follower unless I need to follow and it’s not because I need leadership.

I’ve always been different, my whole life. I was always on my own path. Didn’t want or need friends but hung out when I could but at a certain point I had to go or they did. I’ve been a loner my whole life and people always defined it as shy or introverted or they assumed it was because I was unsure of myself. It is none of these things. I just DGAF. It doesn’t matter to me. I have a path I am walking each day and it’s no ones business where I’m going or how I get there but feel free to join me, as long as you limit your opinions and you don’t get in my way, haha.

I don’t like to travel with people or anyone because when I want to do something or leave I don’t want to answer to anyone. I don’t want to answer to anyone ever. No one in this life will make or break me, you don’t like me? No problem. See ya. Your loss. This is a struggle in my relationships because people just don't understand it, it’s a struggle in my friendships because they too do not understand that I’m 99% impartial. I can walk away from almost anyone in my life and never speak to them again and it doesn’t bother me because we had our time together, the universe put us together for that time and that time only. I chase no one, I seek no one. It’s a lonely road but people will screw you over. They will use you and abandon you, or keep you around to make sure you fulfill their needs without ever doing the same for you. I’m a dedicated man, I all in when I’m in and I’m in for life, unless you cross me.

I overthink things and obsess about them and sometimes I need my space to clear my head to get back where I need to be and who I am. My thoughts will consume me and once they start moving forward it takes every bit of will power to stop them.

I don’t care about politics or sports or religion or anything. I have my views and they are important to me, but I don’t care what others think because those are their views. I don’t car what you’re doing today or tomorrow because that’s your time. Who me? Yeah I’m probably gonna drive or take a walk for 6 miles so I can be alone to listen to a book or podcast, maybe lost in my own thoughts. I want to learn about the world and how it works and what makes it work. I want the world to love each and stop being so damn overbearing and overdramatic.

I don’t mind being in a crowd, but if you come to me to talk you better have something to say and it better not be some BS child’s play. I don’t mind social media or FB but I don’t like reading or following people and really don’t like people commenting on my stuff so I left. Haha I’m the same about messages, I love to talk, but it must have purpose and meaning to my life.

I don’t know what direction my path is taking me, but I do know I’m going to get there eventually. I may arrive to my destination alone, but at-least I know I walked my own path. That my path, no matter how difficult, was worth the struggle. I don’t need anyone in this life, I don’t need acceptance or love, I don’t sympathy or pats on the back. It is what is and it always will be.