Life in a box... realizations

As of March 13, 2020 I had my life semi-under control. I had the job I always wanted, I was taking care of my kids on a daily basis, a routine that was working. This had been seeming to come together for once!

Little did I, or most people, know that about a week later it was all going to get ugly from here.

March 20, 2020 - present has been a crazy whirlwind of emotions. I lost all my sense of security, my sense of peace, my steady paycheck, and probably worst of all what I had regarded as my sense of purpose in life. I’ve had ups and downs almost daily, I started this whole thing out with a strong drive to not let it beat me.

Over the course of the last several weeks I have allowed all of this to rear its ugly head into my soul and tear me down. I’ve allowed it to destroy me because I’ve consistently focused on the negatives. Convincing myself that it’s just one hit after another and every door I try and open gets promptly shut in my face.

But, sometimes through conversation, realignment, and people in our life we can be shown the truth. My truth is that, maybe this is where I’m supposed to be. Maybe life has intervened and asked me to slow down.

Maybe life is telling me, it’s not that bad. I have been beating myself because somehow I managed to convince myself that I was only as good as my accomplishments in life. That I was defined by who I was on the outside, the part that people saw, the man I wanted people to think I was.

I’m starting to think life has other plans. I’m thinking it wants me to spend this time with my kids, give a few more hugs, watch a few more movies, get to know them better and show them that I am their rock! I think life is bringing some people into my life that I normally would have never had, people that are helping me to heal and discover who I am as a person.

I’ve had a full time job since I was 16 years old, it’s all I’ve ever known. Being super driven can create anxiety in life, it can cause us to isolate as a man into our work because it’s so important to us that we neglect those around us.

I think life has told me I need to take a step back for this short time and try and reconnect with the things I’ve lost along the way.

My kids

My family

My definition of who I am

My sanity

My peace of mind

My hobbies

And my happiness

Without these things, what are we really doing it all for?